The Fabric of Friendship

Auld Lang Syne by George Harvey

Friends are important, right? They provide companionship. Make us feel good. And steer us through bad times. That’s why we hang out with them.

There’s a wealth of medical research about the physical and mental benefits that flow from friendship. We live longer. We’re happier. There’s even a neurological basis for friendship: social interaction releases feelgood chemicals in the brain. Which means we do it over and over again to get that dopamine rush.

In a nutshell, we’re social animals. Without social awareness, it would have been impossible for human beings to cooperate on the scale that we do. Compensating, in the process, for our relative physical weakness in the face of predatory competitors in the wild. There’s safety in numbers. And hunting and foraging are easier when done as part of a group.

Ultimately, civilisation developed because of our capacity to live and work together to create the urban centres, administrative institutions and division of labour that characterise the societies that developed in Mesopotamia, Egypt and elsewhere in early human history.

One of the strongest features of our social natures is our ability to communicate. We get together to catch up on the news, share ideas and develop our sense of community.

Maybe this explains why philosophers have been debating the nature of friendship since the dawn of philosophy. In Ancient Greece and Rome considerable thought was given to the role friendship played in society. It must have perplexed them that what is a voluntary relationship with no apparent strings attached – unlike the bonds of marriage, parenthood or childhood – could generate such powerful emotions.

Aristotle and others regarded friendship as an essential constituent of both a good society and a good life. Lying at the heart of a good society because of its contribution to civic democracy. And a good life because it nurtured wisdom and happiness. Aristotle argued that friendship fell into three categories: utility, pleasure or goodness. In its highest state, he described it as being 'a single soul dwelling in two bodies'.

Views on the nature of friendship changed as societies evolved.  

The late Renaissance/early modern philosopher Francis Bacon considered that, "Without friends the world is but a wilderness". He saw friendship as conferring multiple benefits. Providing an outlet for our pent-up feelings and emotions; helping us clarify our thinking; and helping us fulfil desires which can only be achieved with the help of another.

The 18th-century artist and visionary William Blake said that, “Opposition is true friendship”.  Blake thought that the diversity of life was diminished if one person sought to convert another to their way of thinking. In fact, the differences between friends can actually reinforce their friendship. As well as generate a creative energy that pushes the boundaries of imagination and expression.

Life would be boring without friendships. They are also essential for our survival. Friends are there when we need them most.

True friendship is a relic of the gift economy of old. It exists outside the transactional relationships of modern economics.

Its value is neatly summed up in a short poem, “A Time to Talk”, by Robert Frost:

When a friend calls to me from the road

And slows his horse to a meaning walk,

I don’t stand still and look around

On all the hills I haven’t hoed,

And shout from where I am, "What is it?"

No, not as there is a time to talk.

I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,

Blade-end up and five feet tall,

And plod: I go up to the stone wall

For a friendly visit.

Frost was reflecting on the inherent value of friendship and its importance in life. Work can wait while we spend time with a friend.

The New Year is traditionally a time to reflect on both the year past and the year ahead. As another Robert put it, in a celebration of friendship and brotherhood, “And we'll tak' a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne”.